Bad Idea #12 - The causes of disease

I know my roommate is not a scientist or a mathematician. That's ok. I don't expect people to know much more than the basics in math or science. However, some forms of ignorance deserve harsh mockery.

While I mentioned someone named Stephen Wiltshire, who drew a picture of Rome entirely from memory, we talked briefly about autistics. My roommate asked me if people out there still believe that vaccines cause autism, and I told him that I believed so. He complained a bit about people who were dumb enough to believe the theories despite a lack of scientific evidence. I agreed, saying that even if the "vaccines cause autism" theory is true, vaccinations still cause more good than harm, since (my words) "we no longer have to worry about a lot of viruses anymore."

So he asks me, "What is a virus, anyway?" I don't know where to begin, so I ask him what he already knows. He tells me that he has no idea whatsoever, so I explain to him that viruses are tiny scraps of biological components that reproduce using the functions of cells in other organisms. Apparently this is too complicated for him, and he asks, "So...why does the word virus have a negative connotation? I mean, whenever I hear the word 'virus,' the tone of the sentence indicates that a virus is a bad thing."

I explain, "Well, this reproduction in many cases kills cells and interferes with normal cellular functions, and it can cause sickness in people. The cold, flu, herpes, AIDS, mumps, and a bunch of other diseases are caused by viruses."

My roommate, with a wild look of discovery in his eyes, like he's just discovered something really important for the first time ever, looks at me and asks -

12. "So is CANCER caused by a virus?"

I am utterly speechless. The answer is no, roommate. Cancer is not caused by viruses. And yes, I know the role of HPV in cervical cancer, but there is no justification for saying something like that.

Bad Ideas #10 and #11 - Completely misunderstanding the concept of barter.

Generally speaking, roommates will share some common furniture and household goods. My roommate moved in here before I did, and bought a lot of these common items - cleaning supplies, toilet paper, trash can, trash bags, etc. I'm guessing he spent like $30 for it all.

So I move in, and all this stuff is bought. I can't think of anything else to buy, so I make a mental note to myself to be courteous and buy the next round of toilet paper and trash bags. In the meantime, I buy some plastic cups for guests.

A week later, while he's asking me for advice on what kind of computer mouse to buy, I tell him to consider the one I had bought recently - I had bought one for around $30.

10. "I don't know what to look for in a computer mouse. Why don't you buy me one, since I bought the toilet paper."

No. That is incorrect. You are asking me to buy a $32 mouse in exchange for you buying $30 worth of stuff to be shared between you and me. In essence, I will be paying $32 for a 50% share of $30 worth of stuff. For those of you who are arithmetically challenged, I would be paying $32 for $15 of toilet paper and trash bags. I tell him no, and he doesn't pursue it further.

Besides, I end up spending like $10 on Drano over the next week because he kept clogging the drain with his boots.

I can't tell whether it's related to the above or not, but shortly afterward my roommate started drinking my beer. I would be buying various beers, usually costing around $7 to $9 for a 6 pack, on Friday nights, and he would inevitably be too lazy to buy his own and take a beer or two of mine. Of course, he's not a complete asshole, and he would offer me a few beers the next day out of whatever he bought.

11. Offering Bud Light in a trade for Sierra Nevada, New Belgium, various expensive microbrews, Franziskaner, etc.

First of all, these beers are not equivalent cost. Second of all, I would rather have $10 worth of good beer rather than $100 worth of brewed piss-water. Why the hell would you think that I find 50 cents worth of piss-water to be worth the same as $1.20 of real beer?

Fortunately for me, he has a 6 pack of Shiner Bock sitting in the refrigerator right now. If it weren't 11 AM on a Sunday morning, I'd probably be drinking it right now.

I can't believe this guy has taken graduate level courses in economics. What kind of crappy college is giving him credit? He admits that he has no knowledge in mathematics or statistics, and has demonstrated a complete lack of common sense in understanding economics (Bad Idea #7 is a prime example, and Bad Idea #3 is kind of similar to the above situation).

I can have bad ideas, too.

I make fun of my roommate's bad ideas. His ideas have nothing on my most recent bad idea, which was jumping on top of a parked car in front of cops.

Bad idea #9 - I can't wear contacts.

My roommate had come back in from a one hour ruckmarch, and we were discussing the topic of ruckmarches in general.

He complained, "The only thing I hate about ruckmarches is that my glasses always fog up."
I respond, "Yeah, that's what I hated most about basic. My glasses fogged up all the time. It's why I can't stand not wearing contacts for any physical activity, especially running or long marches. So why don't you wear contacts?"

9. "Oh, I can't wear contacts. Whenever I put something near my eyes, I close them."

So apparently my roommate thinks he's special. I guess he thinks everyone else in the world was born without the reflexive blinking when things move near your face. This is like saying, "I can't ever learn to ride bicycles because I fell off the first time I tried." If someone who wears contacts says that they never had any trouble putting on contacts the first few times, they are bold liars. If someone gives up this easily at something that most agree is worthwhile, he will always live his life as a quitter.

Bad Idea #8 - Give up a meal a day for Lent

8. "I'm going to stop eating dinner for Lent. Besides, I'll probably lose weight."

Let me remind everyone that we are soldiers who exercise nearly every day. If you go 18 hours every day without eating, and culminate this 18 hour fast with a 4 mile run, you're just asking for trouble.

Now about the second part - you will not lose weight by skipping meals. In fact, it's such a bad idea that I found a page titled "Skipping Meals: A Bad Idea."A Bad Idea, huh? Sounds like the name of this blog. Anyway, most studies on the topic have shown that skipping meals often leads to weight gain.

The best part was that this deep religious conviction he felt lasted a grand total of one day. Way to go, self-described future priest. I'm pretty sure he didn't even successfully stay off cigarettes during Lent either.

Bad Idea #7 - Let's charge $1000 a year for all students in public schools.

EDIT 5/7/06 - I forgot to mention that this was the bad idea that spawned the idea for this blog in the first place. After this, I came to the conclusion that most of my roommates ideas were freaking terrible.

While debating some immigration issues in a group of around 5 people, my roommate decided to drop this bombshell:

7. "We wouldn't have an illegal immigration problem if we stopped giving people free schooling."

Well, buddy, you may be onto something - let's make our country suck so bad that nobody wants to come to America anymore. That will definitely solve our problems. He proceeded (in his infinite wisdom) to set the amount of tuition at public schools to be $1000 a year per student, since that was an amount that (in his head) everyone could afford. I must share that my roommate grew up upper-middle class, that social class which spawns the most young people with bad ideas (to be fair, I'm from a similar social background).

He also explained that this would help all of America beyond the issue of illegal immigration because "poor people wouldn't want to have kids anymore." That was it, I had to berate him publicly. My friends and I explained that an additional cost of $12000 over the life of a child was going to discourage approximately zero children, because the cost of raising a child is already ridiculously expensive. To drive the point home, one of our friends at the table explained that he had his first child with his wife due to a birth control failure at a time when they couldn't afford a child.

There would probably be some increase in the number of children whose parents didn't want them - a surefire recipe for children with psychological baggage, which may cause an increase in crime and poverty. Not to mention the fact that by increasing the costs of basic education, you would have a less educated populace, which probably would compound the crime/poverty problem further. So this will increase the number of parasites on the economy - exactly the opposite of what this idea was "designed" (the better word probably would be "pulled-out-of-ass") to achieve.

Bad Idea #6 - You have to shake Gatorade because the electrolytes will settle to the bottom.

This one is courtesy of a mutual friend, who we shall call Encarta, who told me about this exchange during a drive:

Encarta - "Why do you shake your Gatorade every time you take a sip?"
Roommate -

6. "I shake Gatorade before I drink it because the electrolytes settle to the bottom."

Electrolyte: A substance which forms ions in an aqueous (water) solution (source).
Solution: A homogeneous mixture composed of evenly distributed solute particles in a solvent (source - scroll down to encyclopedia portion).

Bad ideas, meet poor understanding of basic chemistry.